Embracing Our Sexuality as Image-Bearers of God
Understanding Our Sexuality in Light of God’s Design
In a world that constantly redefines relationships, gender, and sexuality, Christians are called to understand and express their humanity according to God’s design. On 1 September, during our 10am service at One Church, Tim Horman delivered a sermon exploring the biblical view of sexuality and how it reflects being made in God's image. Below is a summary of his sermon, with key takeaways and questions for reflection. At the end of this post, you’ll find the full transcript.
If you prefer to watch the sermon or listen here it is from our Youtube and podcast.
What Does It Mean to Be Made in God’s Image?
Tim began by asking a fundamental question: How are we created in God’s image, and what does that mean for our sexuality? Sexuality, as part of our humanity, is not just a biological function or an expression of identity. Rather, it reflects something of God’s nature and our purpose in creation. As Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honour God with your bodies.” Our bodies belong to God, and that includes our sexuality.
Community and Covenant
A recurring theme in the sermon was the importance of relationships and community. From the very beginning, God made humanity for community—“It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This points to our innate desire for connection, a desire that is both relational and physical. However, this longing is ultimately meant to be fulfilled in relationship with God, rather than solely in human relationships.
Tim contrasted our modern understanding of relationships with the biblical view. In today’s world, marriage is often seen as just one of many possible partnerships. The cultural shift has even led to the redefinition of marriage itself, from a covenant to a contractual partnership. Tim explained that a covenant, unlike a contract, involves self-giving love, sacrifice, and faithfulness—principles that mirror God's relationship with humanity.
The Impact of Technology on Sexuality
Tim also touched on how technology, especially things like dating apps and pornography, has radically transformed how we think about and engage in sexual relationships. We live in a world where sex is often commodified and disconnected from its deeper purpose. Tim emphasized that sex, when stripped from the context of covenantal commitment, loses its intended meaning and even becomes harmful.
The reality of “sexual revolution Stockholm syndrome,” a term coined to describe the way women have been conditioned to casually date and convince themselves they are happy without commitment, was discussed. This reflects the broader confusion in society about sex, intimacy, and relationships.
A Narrowing of Sexual Ethics
Tim also explored how Jesus narrowed sexual ethics rather than expanding them. Jesus wasn’t just concerned about outward actions but also the state of the heart. In Matthew 5:28, He says “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” This inward focus makes it clear that holiness in sexuality is more than just abstaining from certain behaviours—it’s about cultivating a pure heart and mind.
Additionally, Tim reflected on Jesus' high standard for marriage and divorce. In a culture where relationships are often seen as disposable, Jesus’ teachings call His followers to a higher standard of faithfulness and commitment.
Sexuality as a Gift from God
Another important point was that sexuality is a gift from God that points beyond itself. While our culture often treats sex as an end in itself, Tim reminded us that sex is meant to reflect the deeper, relational love that God has for humanity. As Tim Keller put it, love is measured by how much you are willing to give up for the sake of the other person, not by how much you receive. This reflects the sacrificial love Jesus showed us on the cross.
Ultimately, the message reinforced that sexuality, while important, can never fully satisfy our deepest longings. Those longings are ultimately meant to point us to a greater intimacy with God.
The Christian Call to Sexual Holiness
As Christians, we are called to live in obedience to Christ, which includes sexual holiness. Tim emphasized that it is not “take up your sexual preferences and follow me,” but rather, “take up your cross and follow me.” This challenge applies to everyone, regardless of marital status or sexual orientation. As Paul explains in 1 Corinthians 6, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and we are to honour God with our bodies.
Restoring the Church as a Family
Tim also addressed the role of the church as a supportive family for all its members, whether single or married. In a world where singleness is often devalued, the church should be a place where both singleness and marriage are celebrated and supported. Singleness, in particular, should be seen as a high calling, as it was historically viewed in the early church.
Questions for Reflection
At the heart of Tim's sermon were questions designed to help us reflect on our own lives and relationships:
What does it mean to you to be made in the image of God, especially in terms of your sexuality?
How do your relationships reflect God’s design for community and covenant?
In what ways has technology shaped your views or practices around relationships and sexuality?
How can you cultivate sexual holiness in your thoughts and actions, as Jesus teaches in Matthew 5?
Do you see sexuality as a gift from God? How does that understanding shape the way you approach relationships?
What role does sacrificial love play in your relationships, and how does it reflect Christ’s love for us?
How can you support others in your church community, whether they are single or married, in living out their calling?
Are there areas in your life where you need to surrender your desires to Christ and embrace His call to holiness?
How can your church better reflect the idea of being a family, offering support for those in both marriage and singleness?
What practical steps can you take this week to honour God with your body?
Living out God’s design for sexuality is no small task, especially in a world that offers conflicting messages about love, relationships, and personal identity. But as Tim reminded us in his sermon, we are not left to navigate this alone. Christ has given us the example of sacrificial love, and the Holy Spirit empowers us to live in holiness. As we seek to honour God with our bodies, our relationships, and our sexuality, we can find hope, healing, and true fulfilment in Him.
Below, you’ll find the full transcript of Tim’s sermon.
Transcript
Introduction
Happy Father's Day to the dads in the room! The other day, my family and I were driving, and we passed by an empty field. I said to the kids, "Oh look, there's a herd of cows!" They replied, "There are no cows in the field, Dad." To which I responded, "That's because they're in cow-mouflage." That's my dad joke for this morning—dads, you can borrow that one!
Let me pray.
Prayer
Father, thank you for this morning. Thank you that we can be here together in your presence. I thank you that you are a loving Father to us, a Father to the fatherless, and that you draw us deeper into relationship with you each day. You call us further up and further into your love, your presence, and your goodness. You lead us into the knowledge of your love as our Father and as the Creator of all things, who has made each one of us in your image and likeness. We thank you for this in Jesus' name, Amen.
Introduction to the Sermon Series
This morning, as Darren has mentioned, we continue our "Being Human" series. We’re in week seven, and today we're going to explore what it means for us to be image-bearers of God in our sexuality.
Scripture Readings
Let's start with some Bible readings:
1 Corinthians 6:12-20:
Paul writes, "I have the right to do anything," you say—but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything," but I will not be mastered by anything. "You say, ‘Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.’" The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power, God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honour God with your bodies."
Matthew 5:27-30:
"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."
Matthew 19:3-6:
Some Pharisees came to Jesus to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven’t you read," Jesus replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate."
How Has God Made Us in His Image and Likeness in Our Sexuality?
This morning, I want to ask how God has made us in His image and likeness in our sexuality, and how we are called to live that out in a way that glorifies God, that’s obedient to the lordship of Jesus, and that serves God's kingdom purposes. As Paul said in our reading from 1 Corinthians 6, "We are not our own; we are bought at a price. We belong to Jesus," and that includes our sexuality.
Addressing Sensitive Topics
I know it's Father's Day, and we might have a few visitors here this morning. You have picked a great day to come—what a day! Now, it’s been said that there are three things you should never speak about in polite company if you want to remain friends: money, religion, and sex. Since we already talk about the first two quite a bit around here, we might as well have a go at the third. Hopefully, we’ll stay friends at the end of this.
I also want to manage expectations. I cannot cover everything that needs to be said or should be said today, and I'm not going to be speaking particularly about LGBTQI+ questions, though we will come back to those in the future. Today, I’m going to talk about sexuality in broad terms, but I hope in a way that is relevant to everybody. I’m also aware of how painful this topic can be for many people. I have been a pastor for a few years now, and I’ve journeyed with people through just about every experience of sexual hurt that you can imagine. So, nothing much surprises or shocks me in this space anymore. Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to speak to that pain today, but I hope to pray about it a little bit at the end.
Observations on the Sexual Landscape
Let’s jump in. I want to make some observations—these are not value statements, just observations. The world we’re currently living in is almost unrecognizable from just a few years ago. It seems like there’s been a huge proliferation of new categories of sex, sexuality, and gender identities. It feels pretty hard to keep up; I feel like I’m learning new terms almost constantly.
The sexologist Carol Queen says, "In a simple yet radical affirmation, we each grow our own passions on a different medium. Instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. Sex positivity respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility."
This is the world we now live in—millions of sexual orientations. In light of these changes, our understanding of heterosexual marriage has significantly changed as well. Not only is it seen as just one option or orientation, but the main difference now is that all these other options are held to have the same importance and essentially the same moral value as heterosexual marriage. It’s hard to overstate how massive and disruptive this shift has been.
The Impact of Technology on Sexuality and Relationships
Part of the reason for this change has been due to technology, especially the advent of new contraceptive technologies. In many ways, this has been the most significant change. With the invention of the pill in 1960, which kicked off the sexual revolution, it was suddenly possible to have sex without the natural consequence of children. With the development of IVF, it’s now possible to have children without sex. Children have become a choice for many people, something to have when you feel ready, rather than the natural consequence of marriage.
This is so familiar to us now that we don’t even think about it. But imagine what this conversation would be like today if most couples here were still having an average of eight children per family, as was common just 100 years ago. My great-grandmother had nine children, and three of them died in infancy. We’re in a different world now. Historically, it was only yesterday when all of this changed.
Other kinds of technology, like dating apps—someone recently called them "Uber Eats for hot people"—and especially internet pornography, have radically reimagined what we now consider relationally and sexually normal. Pornography has led to the "pornification" of everything—everything is sexualized now. Getting naked on OnlyFans is celebrated as a legitimate career goal. The average age a child is now exposed to porn is eight or nine years old, often their first real experience of sex education.
None of this is harmless, as many social commentators are now realizing—not least because porn relies heavily on sexual exploitation and human trafficking, but also because it is forming a generation of young people, especially boys, who don’t know how to connect with someone romantically without assuming that sex will be immediate and will mirror the actions of porn stars. This is doing significant damage to women, what some are calling the "Andrew Tate effect." We’re actually seeing a regression in terms of sexual equality and respect for women, and people are ringing the alarm bells—seriously, schools are ringing the alarm bells about this.
The Consequences of Sexual Confusion
When sex-positive non-Christians are saying that sex is a threat to teenage girls and women due to pornography, we have a problem. Sex within marriage or long-term partnership is also being reimagined. The New York Magazine recently ran a cover story on polyamory or ethical non-monogamy, which was billed as a "practical guide for the curious." The cover was honestly perfect—a group of cats clinging desperately to each other. But there was also a deep sadness to the article, as there was almost always one member of the couple, or "throuple," or "polycule" who was a reluctant participant but felt that if they didn’t agree to go along with the poly lifestyle, they would just lose their partner anyway.
What was clear to me reading the article was that they had no other compelling sexual narrative by which to affirm the significance of relational sexual faithfulness. Who are they to stand in the way of their partner’s search for identity, for living their truth? That’s how it was presented—couples exploring multiple sex partners as a way of discovering their true selves, their true identities. One person interviewed put the experience of polyamory like this: "I feel really deeply committed to the journey of the truth of my own soul, and I believe a lot in self-awareness and self-knowledge. That’s something that is always undulating and changing for me."
I’m not sure how you can talk about truth when it’s always changing and undulating, but hey, I’m kind of old-fashioned about these things. But what this demonstrates is just how much we now view our subjective internal feelings, especially regarding sexuality, as the basis upon which we build our identities and construct our realities. This is one of the reasons why we’ve now reframed our long-term romantic relationships from marriages to partnerships.
The Shift from Marriage to Partnerships
This linguistic change is significant—partnership or partner is an economic term, a contractual term, whereas the language of marriage and spouse is covenantal. In a partnership, as with any contractual arrangement, it’s about costs versus benefits. In a romantic partnership, a couple can choose to stay together as long as it’s mutually beneficial for both of them. And in this age of authenticity, that’s seen as true fidelity—if the marriage or partnership isn’t working out, we dissolve it because that’s true fidelity; I’m being true to myself.
Now that sex is unhooked from both children and marital fidelity, we can simply enjoy sex as pleasurable recreation, which means the only real sexual ethic we now have in our culture is consent. Even if people don’t want to have multiple sexual partners, it’s generally viewed as the necessary path to take on the journey to find a long-term partner. In fact, the idea that people might want to wait until they’re married to have sex is now seen as completely ridiculous and weird and probably unhealthy.
The Misconception of Sex and Intimacy
The irony here is that this admits that sex does not always equal intimacy or that sex establishes the basis of intimacy, even if that’s the hoped-for goal. In fact, I’d say that if you’re using sex as a path to intimacy, you’re probably never going to get there. Why? Because intimacy actually requires something deeper than sex, namely the kinds of expectations that are typically associated with covenantal marriage, such as a long-term commitment to the promise of faithfulness.
That’s the basis of intimacy—the long-term commitment to the promise of faithfulness. You need to feel safe and deeply connected to a person to experience intimacy, and the physical experience of sex doesn’t get you there. The UK-based feminist author and political commentator Stella Sanu wrote an article about this recently that went viral. Her article was in response to another article by a male journalist called "On the Desperation of Male Horniness." The title of Stella’s response was "On the Desperation of Female Neediness," and I quote her here:
"If I had an avocado toast every time a female friend told me how much she loves dating around, I would be on the housing ladder by now. It’s a regular conversation, especially with women who are professionally successful and secure in other ways. They will tell me about their escapades with this or that man and reassure me that all they want is fun and they definitely don’t care if it leads to something. The other women in the group will nod in agreement and smile reassuringly. Not me. I was raised by an emotionally reactive mother, so when it comes to picking up on other people’s emotions, I am like a predator in the jungle. I can see these women suffer from what I call Sexual Revolution Stockholm Syndrome, where because they have no choice but to date casually, they have convinced themselves they are having sex without commitment by choice."
The Cultural Disenchantment with Sex
What’s interesting to me is that this shift has been accompanied by a profound cultural disenchantment with sex. We seem to be having a lot more of it, in a lot of different ways, with a lot of different people, and yet we seem less happy about it, more anxious about it, convinced that everyone else’s experience of sex must be way better than mine. It seems that rather than enhancing sex, experiencing a greater beauty in sex by its variety and frequency, we’ve turned it into a commodity, a product, a thing to have or to get more of, and we’ve cheapened it in the process.
This is no accident. Sex is designed by God to connect you deeply to a person, but it’s a design that only works as an expression of the commitment of the whole of your life within the context of covenant. Otherwise, it becomes destructive, and not just for you but for everyone. Sex outside of marriage is not forbidden because God is anti-sex; it’s forbidden because of what God has designed sex for—as a way of building up the relational bonds of covenant and integrity that establish the basis for a flourishing society.
The Christian Ethic of Love and Sexual Holiness
I’ve heard people say a million times over the years something like this: "Okay, but why does God care about what two people do with their bodies if they’re not hurting anyone? Didn’t Jesus teach his followers to love people—all people, maybe especially those who belong to marginalized groups?"
Well, I don’t think it’s the church’s job to project a Christian ethic onto the rest of society, but "not hurting anyone" has never been the basis of Christian ethics. Should we love everyone? Yes, we should. But we should love as Jesus defines it, not as we do. Jesus tells us to love one another as I have loved you (John 15:12), and the last part of that statement is crucial. When Jesus loved his disciples, he didn’t always, or hardly ever, affirm their behavior or their desires. He was continually correcting them. It’s worldly love, not Christian love, that says, "If you love me, you’ll affirm everything I desire and everything I believe to be true about myself."
But when Jesus loved people, he loved them toward holiness, not away from it. This includes sexual holiness as defined by Scripture, not by our contemporary culture. When Jesus departs from traditional Jewish sexual ethics, as we see in Matthew 5 on adultery, he doesn’t expand the ethic; he doesn’t make it more inclusive. He narrows it. Many Jews, including many religious leaders at the time of Jesus, believed that you hadn’t actually committed adultery with someone unless you slept with another person’s spouse, which is why there were prostitutes in Israel who were tolerated—they weren’t being stoned to death. But the woman caught in adultery is dragged out in the street and about to be executed. When Jesus intervenes, he doesn’t condemn that woman, but he does tell her to go and sin no more. He loved her toward holiness.
The Narrowing of Sexual Ethics by Jesus
So, Jesus actually narrows sexual ethics. It’s not just about who you’re having sex with but also about what you’re doing with your eyes and with your heart. As Jesus said, "I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman (or a man) with lustful intent has already committed adultery with them in his heart."
When it comes to the debate about marriage and divorce, Jesus is stricter about this than even the Pharisees were. In his response to the Pharisees, Jesus affirms the creational, covenantal framework of marriage between a husband and wife, but then he sets rules for divorce that are narrower than what the Pharisees taught and practiced. That’s why, if you read on in that exchange, the disciples actually say to Jesus, "Jesus, you make marriage really hard, really hard. The way you frame it, it would be better not to be married at all." And Jesus says to them, "Yes, you’re right, and if you can accept a life of singleness, that’s what you should choose."
The Importance of Our Bodies to God
But the reason Jesus teaches this, as Paul goes on to say in 1 Corinthians 6, is because our bodies are really important to God. He loves them. He loves all of us, of course, but Paul says specifically here that our bodies belong to Christ. They’ve been united to him; they are no longer our own. Jesus doesn’t want what he’s redeemed, what he paid for with his own blood, what he created to be a temple of the Holy Spirit, to be treated with dishonor or turned into a commodity. Paul says, "Flee from this." It’s deeply damaging to the soul to treat someone like an object or to be treated like one, to say, "I want pleasure from you, but I don’t want the rest of you." That wounds us deeply, and those wounds can take a long time to heal. Trust me, I’ve walked with people through that. Yes, Jesus can heal them, but what he’s saying to us, and what Paul is saying in 1 Corinthians 6, is that it’s better for us if we don’t go down that route at all.
The Christian Understanding of Love in Marriage
I love what Tim Keller says about this: "When the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you’re willing to give to someone you love. How much are you willing to lose for the sake of this person? How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotions, and resources are you willing to invest in this person?" For that, the marriage vow is not just helpful but a test. In so many cases, when one person says to another, "I love you, but let’s not ruin it by getting married," that person really means, "I don’t love you enough to close off all my other options. I don’t love you enough to give myself to you that thoroughly." To say, "I don’t need a piece of paper to love you," is basically to say, "My love for you has not reached the marriage level yet."
The Decline of Relationships and Connectedness
Has all of this improved the quality of our relationships? No, and the stats show that we are a lonelier and sadder culture than we have ever been. I think it’s entirely connected to the way our relationships have been fragmented. Marriage is declining, our bonds of connectedness are weak, families are disappearing, and our communities are fragmented. Eric Klinenberg’s book, Going Solo, actually shows that for the first time ever in human history, living alone is the predominant residential pattern in the Western world. More people live alone now than live in families, and that’s a tragedy because, as we were saying last week, what God wanted was not that everyone is married with kids but that everyone belongs to a family in some way.
This has been a disaster for our overall well-being, a disaster for our joy. It’s the consequence, I think, of remaking our sexuality in our own image rather than in the image of God. Something that would build the bonds of community is now destroying them.
Understanding Our Sexuality
Amid all of this sexual confusion in our world, let me ask you what may seem like a super obvious question: What even is our sexuality? What is it? Many people think of sexuality as something that’s at the very core of their identity, and to a certain extent, I agree with that. The reason is that our sexuality relates to the deep desires and the deep longings that God has given us. It’s a gift from God that drives us to want to connect with others and to form attachments to others. As we read in Genesis 2, "It was not good for the man to be alone," and so our sexuality is the fuel for our relationships.
Our sexuality drives our desire for connection, and that is true not only in a romantic sense but also in the connection between children and parents, between friends, and yes, between lovers. In fact, the closest biblical idea that we might use for our sexuality in the scriptures is what the scriptures call the heart. "Out of the heart flow all the issues of life," and so out of our heart flows our motivations, our longings, our desires, and most importantly, our loves.
Sexuality as a Gift from God
Yes, our sexuality does go to the very core of our identities, but like everything else we’ve said in this series, like all aspects of our humanity, if we make this more than a gift, if we pursue it for its own sake, it will destroy us. Our sexuality is about so much more than who we’re attracted to or who we’re having sex with. By God’s design, it cannot be fulfilled in any person, any human identity, or any human expression or relationship. As much as those things have been given for our joy, absolutely no human relationship, no matter how good, can meet the deep need for connection that our sexuality longs for and points us to.
Our sexuality can only be truly fulfilled in the love of God. That’s the ultimate goal for which God has created us. Our sexuality motivates our worship; it drives us to long for God’s presence, to find our deepest delight in his love. Without that, we end up desperately clinging on to other human beings to do for us what only God can. Listen to David in Psalm 63: "O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will praise you."
The Call to Love God with Everything
Now, I really hate "Jesus as my boyfriend" worship songs—can I get an amen? But you cannot avoid that this Psalm uses deeply sexual language—not in terms of eros perhaps, but the way David describes his longing for God is unabashedly physical: "My body longs for you." That’s the kind of thing you typically hear in a love song. And Jesus said we should be no surprise because Jesus said to us, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength" (Mark 12:30)—with everything you are, and that includes your sexuality. Your body was not given to you for the purpose of your own authentic self-expression; your body was given to you so that you can display the image and likeness and character of God into the world.
The Purpose of Our Bodies
Your body is a gift to you, for you to take what is invisible and make it visible, to demonstrate to the world what God looks like—the character and likeness and goodness and love of God. That’s what your body is for—to be the location through which the Temple of the Holy Spirit, through which you display the likeness of God. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6, this deeply connects to our sexuality, but that makes our sexuality extremely powerful and dangerous. It can easily gain mastery over us unless it’s Christ who determines the shape of our lives and what we give ourselves to in love.
The early Christians understood this very well. One of the early church fathers, Gregory of Nyssa, wrote that the danger of desire is that it doesn’t go away by giving into it or pursuing it. In fact, it only grows stronger and more powerful. Everyone who has ever struggled with an addiction knows exactly what he’s talking about. For example, if a young person thinks that getting married is going to be a cure for their lust, they are in for a huge shock. If lust is the issue, it’s only going to get worse; the desire is only going to grow as you feed it. Their spouse, therefore, will never be able to meet the desire in them, which can only be truly found in God. It’s going to end up in frustration and resentment. So, that person needs to first deal with their lust by getting before the Lord and asking for forgiveness and healing, rather than looking to a person to be the solution for it.
The Deep Longing for God
As G.K. Chesterton said, "Whenever a man walks into a brothel, he is looking for God." The same is true of online pornography. Whenever a man walks into a brothel or opens the screen, he is looking for God. That’s true of all our sexuality. At the heart of it is our longing for God. That’s why, as we said last week, Paul uses marriage—and yes, he means the sexual union between a husband and wife here—partly as his primary metaphor for the relationship between Christ and his church.
Paul wants us to understand that marriage and our sexuality, more broadly, are God’s signposts to us of a greater reality. That’s why Jesus teaches that in the resurrection, there will be no marriage—no one will be given in marriage—because the goal of our sexuality, our longing for deep relational intimacy, will have finally been fulfilled in God’s presence in the new creation. Right now, we see in part; one day, we will see in full. Now, we see only in shadows; one day, we will see face to face and be taken into the fountain and wellspring of all human love, all human sexuality, and all human desire—the eternal, divine, self-giving love of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. That is what we are most deeply longing for, and sex, as good as it is, is only a shadow of that reality.
Living in Obedience
However, in the time we live now, prior to the resurrection, we’re called to live in obedience, to use our sexuality in ways that lead us toward holiness. This is the challenge of our discipleship; this is the cost of discipleship. It’s not "take up your sexual preferences and follow me," but "take up your cross and follow me." We’re all called to this, friends—all of us—whether you’re married or single or gay or straight or gender-diverse. Because, again, we are not our own; we belong to Christ. We were bought with a price, so we cannot simply do whatever we want with our bodies.
The Impact of Our Actions on the Body of Christ
There’s a deeper reality here. When we act in ways that are disobedient to the Lord, we don’t just harm our own bodies; we harm a greater sense of what it means to be a body—the body of Christ. We are together a body; we are together the body of Christ, which means what we each do privately affects us all publicly. We’re a family together, so we need to help each other in this journey. There are no lone heroes in this—we need to carry one another’s burdens.
The sexual idols of our age are far too powerful for us to stand against them alone. Marriage is beautiful, and it’s really hard. It is hard to stay in covenant faithfulness to one person for life. Married couples need the help of the church to do that. But we also need to de-romanticise marriage. We need to tear down the idealisation of marriage as the ideal spiritual state—it doesn’t help us to get married or even to stay married.
Last week, I said that historically in the church, marriage was never considered to be the ideal state for Christians—singleness was. I think we need to revitalise the spiritual calling of singleness and self-celibacy. In some sense, it should be marriage that’s seen as the specific call, not singleness, but we treat it very much the opposite way.
Supporting One Another in Our Callings
So, what if the church was a community where we were well equipped as the people of God, as a family of believers, to support one another in our callings, whether in marriage or in singleness—especially in singleness? In fact, I think it would be impossible otherwise. How could we expect people to live faithfully in singleness if our church doesn’t provide the kind of rich, intimate, and deeply connected community and family that is necessary to support that kind of call? Not only would that be impossible, it would actually be cruel. It would be cruel for us to call people into that and then not support them relationally in it.
That’s why most people don’t even see it as an option anymore—because the church isn’t the kind of place where that’s a legitimate choice. But what if we changed that narrative as a church? What if we de-centred marriage and centred singleness, and started to really work out how, together as a church family, we can support people in that calling?
Our Sexuality as a Gift for Worship
Finally, church, our sexuality, in all its varieties and expressions, is intended by God to find its deepest satisfaction and fulfilment in union with Christ. In him, by the presence and help of the Spirit within us, we can receive our sexuality and our gender, with all the challenges and limitations that brings, as a gift. We don’t generally choose our gifts, do we? They’re given to us. Wherever you might find yourself this morning, what God has given you is a gift for your worship. It’s a gift for your calling. It’s a gift for you to discover what it truly means to be a temple of the Holy Spirit and an image-bearer of God in the way that only you can.
But we will not be able to receive it this way, friends, unless we posture ourselves in humble submission to Christ, because our lives are not our own—they belong to him in every way: heart, soul, mind, and body.
Closing Prayer
Let me pray and invite the band to come on up.
Father, we have covered a lot of ground this morning, and I pray that you will highlight for each person here today what is most important for them to hear. I pray, Lord, for those who have experienced significant pain in their relationships, in their sexuality, in their experience of sexuality—things that have been done to them or that they have done and are now wrestling with before you. I thank you, Jesus, that in every way that we are broken and hurting, and in every way that we’ve sinned or been sinned against, you don’t stand at a distance, disgusted by that. Instead, you run to us when we cry out to you for help. You run to us, and you embrace us, and you hold us, and you kiss us, and you love us, and you say, "Don’t be afraid, I’m with you."
Jesus, you said that we could come to you if we are weary and burdened and in pain, and we could give that to you because you are gentle with us, you are humble with us, and you don’t treat us like a problem to be fixed, but like a human being to be loved. And you heal us. You work in the very deepest places of our souls, minds, hearts, and bodies, and you bring your healing. I pray, Jesus, this morning that you would do that for us and for our church.
Lord, I pray for the challenge we have before us, each of us, to be disciples in your way of life—to take up your cross and follow you, which means we have to take up our cross, our particular challenges, our places of pain, our questions, and follow you in those things. I pray this morning, Lord Jesus, that you would fill each person here with your Spirit, strengthen them on this journey, help them to see you, and to know the riches of your love, and to be encouraged and strengthened by that.
Father, I thank you that we have such a beautiful calling ahead of us. One day, Lord, we will see you face to face. You will wipe away every tear, and there will be no more mourning, no more crying, no more pain. We’ll have new bodies, new hearts, new minds—every part of us will be healed as we look forward to that day. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6, because Christ was raised from the dead, we too have hope. This is where we’re headed, so therefore, we honour the Lord with our bodies. Help us to do that, Father. Give us the strength to do that, I pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.